For Aaron Love from Mummy  XXXXX

I open my eyes in the morning and you are the first thing I think about, I walk into your bedroom and walk up to your bed.  I place my hand on the guard rail and peer over it to look in and see your happy smiling face and the cheeky little grin that defines you in so many ways.    I lean down to you and kiss you as you reach up for your first morning cuddle. But I don't get a squeeze back like I used to, because you aren't there, you're not lying in your cosy dolphin bed any more when I look for you in the mornings.    You are flying free in the wind with your dolphin friends in the warm waters around Bimini Island.  I know this because I was the one who went there and scattered your ashes with them not long after you decided it was time to leave us. 

 

Chapter one

It's 3.17 am on Thursday the 5th December 1991 in Greenwich District Hospital, London.  After twenty three and a half hours of labour, lots of kicking and screaming (me, not Aaron) the nurses finally bundled a tiny baby on my chest and I felt a rush of love that I never knew existed, fireworks went off in my chest, I'd just realised the meaning of life, my son was here. 

I knew that something wasn't right straight away, my baby was very grey and he hadn't cried, just as soon as I'd got my hands on him it seemed, the nurses whisked him back off me.  There were people everywhere, doctors coming in and out, lots of shouting, alarms going off.  Not to mention the man at the end of the bed giving me so many stitches that I thought he was knitting a jumper.  I though he'd at least emerge with a  pair of booties for the baby...nothing!

This isn't what was supposed to be happening, we should all be crying with joy now, going all googly eyed over the top of our new baby's head, meeting our new baby boy and counting his fingers and toes.  Not hearing doctors saying they couldn't get him breathing, asking each other how long he'd been down......